Curious to learn about the scientifically proven *cough* stages of your hangover journey? Follow through below!
Stage 1: Well, at least you’re awake.
Happy Holidays and soon, Happy New Year!!! Well sort of. You counted down last night and got your kiss, but that’s all in the past now. You only just woke up but somehow it’s already 1pm. Not only did sleeping in not help at all, but you’re also now (barely) awake and acutely aware of your dry, sticky mouth and that type of nausea you feel more in your throat than your stomach. How can your mouth even be so dry, when the rest of your body is so moist and sweaty? Honestly, none of it makes sense. And your room is bright. So bright. And that’s not even mentioning the radiating pain pulsating through your head, which feels like it’s being featured on one of those hydraulic press videos on YouTube. You drank plenty of water last night and followed all the (probably BS) tips on how to avoid a hangover yet here we are. It’s okay though, you’ll never have to go through this ever again – you’re done with alcohol. 100%. Never. Again. This time for real.
Stage 2: The Quick Fix.
You might be in bad shape, but you’ve always been a problem solver – right? No amount of alcohol can take that away. First thing’s first, you tighten the curtains so you’re back under the sweet, sweet blanket of darkness where the Sun can’t touch you. You take an Advil, no wait – two Advils to maybe take some of the edge off. Actually, maybe pop a Tylenol in there too. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all. Should it even be legal for all of these “fast-acting” medications to not kick in instantly? You grab a glass of water to wash it all down with and realize how thirsty you really are. Damn. Has water always tasted this good? Seriously, this is like a refreshing liquid heaven that God himself is pouring down your throat. You remember reading all sorts of articles about how dehydration is the root of all hangovers, and it all sort of makes sense now. Just finish up your third glass of water and wait it out, you’ll be fine soon enough.
Stage 3: Throw up.
Stage 4: Throw up again.
Stage 5: Acceptance.
That was gross. But somehow you actually feel a bit relieved. All the bad stuff is out of your system now, you tell yourself. You’ve been through this before, and you’ll make it through again. And you know what? You’re right. In fact, you’re even starting to notice how empty your stomach feels, which isn’t all that surprising after seeing how much of it came up into the toilet. You’re hungry. Yeah, yeah, you’ve been on a budget all month but this time it’s okay to order some food in. Maybe a nice greasy breakfast on foodora, or a “Morning Recovery” delivered from 7-Eleven. After all, if there was ever a time where you deserved treating yourself, it’s now. To help out with your stages, we’ve providing FREE DELIVERY on all 7-Eleven orders via foodora from Jan 1 to Jan 8, 2019! Enjoy the parties!
As you wait for your food to arrive, you’ve accepted your fate and gone back under the covers with your laptop open to Netflix, ready to binge your day away. While it’s going to suck for a little bit, you’ve accepted this day is a write-off, and that’s okay. Because at the end of the day, the only true cure for a hangover is time. And maybe some food.
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